Saturday, 17 April 2010

The Grumpy Seven

I have recently been tagged with a little gem of a meme by Very Bored in Catalunya. See it turns out this week that not only is she bored in Catalunya, she's grumpy too. She's fed up, she's pissed off and she's running out of patience. She's Crabby in Catalunya. But, on the positive side, out of the ashes of said crabbyness has risen this most awesome phoenix of an entirely new meme: 'How's your blood pressure? 7 things this week that have made me grumpy' So I say thank you lady, for this is my kind of meme. In fact I could just run and run with it - so without further ado - I'll begin shall I?

1. Bin Weevils.

The entire population of 8 - 12 year olds that inhabit our village seem to share an unhealthy obsession with Binweevils (this of course has nothing whatsoever in common with my entirely constructive obsession with Twitter.) Eldest Son - I kid you not - has even gone so far as to organise a Bin Weevils phone tree so that he and his classmates can synchronise their Bin Weeviling. As far as I can tell, how it seems to work is that he phones one friend and hisses urgently, 'Bin Weevils - 5 o'clock o.k?' down the receiver like some sort of double agent from the cold war era, at which point said friend hangs up and then phones the next friend in order to issue the same stage whispered instruction to them - and so on and so on - untill the whole of year bloody 6 arrive on line en masse in order to do whatever the hell it is Bin Weevils do. What do Bin Weevils do? It had better be good.

2. Computer Games in General (or more specifically, talking about them.)

Because actually it's not just Bin Weevils that can sometimes make me grumpy. It's not even just computer games in and of themselves. It's the fact that my sons want to talk to me about them all the time. They are constantly attempting to engage me in conversation about things like Bin Weevils and Club Penguin - things of which I know nothing, and of which I frankly couldn't give a flying toss either. The thing is they're sneaky about it too. Conversations will start off as one thing and then morph into a computer game conversation without me even realising. For example:

Eldest Son: Mum can I talk to you about something?
Me: (In the middle of the washing up) Sure, what's up?
Eldest Son: Well... have you ever been in a situation where you're friends with a certain group of people, but you think maybe you don't really trust them and you'd be better off with a different group of friends?
Me: (Taking off washing up gloves and sitting down next to him in order to give him my full attention) Is something worrying you love?
Eldest Son: Well what it is you see, is that I was really good friends with this one group, but then just because I wanted to play for a bit with a different group, they shot me.
Me: They shot you? Hang on a minute.... is this about that flipping computer game?
Eldest Son: (Grinning) Um, might be....

3. Being spoken to entirely in Doctor Who quotes

Middle son is obsessed with Doctor Who. (You may recall a previous post I wrote about a suspiciously phallic looking tardis that he drew and then stuck on the fridge.) He also possesses a memory akin to a small elephant. Entire scripts from countless episodes are lodged firmly in that freaky little head of his, only to come tumbling out of his mouth at every possible opportunity. Middle son no longer says hello to people. His standard greeting has become, 'Alonzeeeeeee!' I have no idea what that even means. It could be Dalek for 'bestiality is best' for all I know. He now also has a Doctor Who quote which he saves especially for whenever he is asked to do anything he doesn't want to do, or for when I attempt to cajole him into eating anything that far too closely resembles a plant for his liking. The conversation typically goes something like this:

Me: Please would you go upstairs and sort out your toybox so that we can give things you don't play with anymore to the charity shop?/Please will you just try your runner beans?
Middle son: Funny is like this! (manic grinning face.) Not funny is like this.. (exageratedly sad face.) Right now I'm not like this! (manic grinning face) I'm like this.. (exageratedly sad face) because YOU ARE TRAITORS! YES YOU ARE!

What are you supposed to say to that?

4. Chris Moyles.

'Nuff said.

5. Jeremy Clarkson.


Oooh I was so close to moving on to number six without comment then... I almost managed it. But not quite. Because I can't even think about his stupid, dad rock loving, global warming denying, crap joke about how murdering prostitutes is funny telling face, without wanting to spit. Better out than in though eh. Ahem... Moving swiftly on...

6. People trying to have a conversation with me while I'm on the loo

Through the bathroom door. It's bad enough that the children do it, but I've got a friend that does it aswell. For christs sake, is nothing sacred?

And lastly, rather than a seventh grump, I thought I might instead provide a fool-proof antidote to all of the things that can conspire to put us in a bad temper. May I suggest that you listen to 'The Heartbeat Song' by the Futureheads and jump around. It works for me.

So now to invite some others to share their miffs of the week. You're up girls... Enjoy.


  1. Brilliant! Though I fear our lists are so similar mine will look like plagerism! Thanks for the tag lovely, will do my homework and get it posted. Not today though. As you know I have to reserve Mondays for Feel Good stuff or else I spend the week being a miserable old bitch. I know my limits ;-)

    MD xx

  2. #6---aargh! Husband, kids, even the dog trying to nose his way in...doesn't anyone else ever know the answer to a question? Must I always be the repository of useless information? I feel your frustration---Just give us a private moment to ourselves, in the loo. Is it too much to ask?!

  3. Hi, very interesting post!
    Just a note to bring some bright parenting feeling about BinWeevils (and to assure there is noting to worry about, but you rather enjoy your free time while LO is on
    BinWeevils, the 3D Online Entertainment Platform, which allows children to take control in a way similar to Second Life, but in a safe and monitored environment.
    On BinWeevils children can create an avatar (BinWeevil) for free, make friends, play games, watch TV shows and cartoons, read book previews in an online library and enter competitions.
    "Bin Weevils" need to survive in the Bin by staying fit, fed and financed. To do so children must build on their social skills and rely on one another to complete missions, tasks and maintain virtual jobs. In return they earn “Mulch” (virtual currency) to spend in the Shopping Mall where they can grab a bite to eat or visit one of many stores to pick up a new state of the art remote control helicopter for their “BinNests” (virtual homes).
    Children can connect and communicate with others through save and moderated live chat, visits to other BinNests (homes), or the official new BinWeevils blog.
    Stimulating children’s imagination, BinWeevils encourages users to explore new areas within its BinScape – to travel to a virtual island, to buy and design virtual homes, or create their own businesses. In a world where children are treated like adults, they are giving an opportunity to build their world the way they like it – fun and colourful, where the sky is hardly the limit.
    A core part of BinWeevils’ philosophy is to educate children in aspects of life such as healthy eating and staying active while exercising their minds with daily quizzes. Children are encouraged to nurture their BinWeevils by feeding them regularly, keeping them fit with a variety of exercises, and helping them stay happy through various activities. “It is a fact that children learn better through play, this is why BinWeevils uses its 3D Online Entertainment Platform to “edutain”, a mixture of education and entertainment, to help establish valuable life skills for our users”, explains Myke Crosby, Director at BinWeevils.
    Tapping into a child’s “dream” of being famous and popular amongst friends, BinWeevils gives users a chance to run their own magazine or photo studio.

    Please let me know if you need to discuss this furher.

  4. Loved this & I may have a go doing my own list if that's OK!


  5. Oh Gappy I was just about to ask what a Bin Weevil was but the Bin Weevil team got there first! You really are becoming very influential across the blogosphere! Thanks so much for the tag, I will relish doing this one x

  6. I also had absolutely no idea what a Bin Weevil was... and after reading the explanation I still don't feel much more enlightened!

  7. I was lost with the bin weevils, I did think you had some kind of infestation but then got REALLY confused. Luckily Chris Moyles brought me back to earth..Very funny and thanks for taking up the grumpy challenge. xx

  8. 1. What on earth is a 'bin weevil'.

    2. I had an entire conversation with a colleague in the men's room while I was, um, doing what one does in the men's room. I found it more than a little disconcerting, but as he was a quite senior colleague didn't see a way out of the discussion.