Saturday, 17 April 2010
I have recently been tagged with a little gem of a meme by Very Bored in Catalunya. See it turns out this week that not only is she bored in Catalunya, she's grumpy too. She's fed up, she's pissed off and she's running out of patience. She's Crabby in Catalunya. But, on the positive side, out of the ashes of said crabbyness has risen this most awesome phoenix of an entirely new meme: 'How's your blood pressure? 7 things this week that have made me grumpy' So I say thank you lady, for this is my kind of meme. In fact I could just run and run with it - so without further ado - I'll begin shall I?
1. Bin Weevils.
The entire population of 8 - 12 year olds that inhabit our village seem to share an unhealthy obsession with Binweevils (this of course has nothing whatsoever in common with my entirely constructive obsession with Twitter.) Eldest Son - I kid you not - has even gone so far as to organise a Bin Weevils phone tree so that he and his classmates can synchronise their Bin Weeviling. As far as I can tell, how it seems to work is that he phones one friend and hisses urgently, 'Bin Weevils - 5 o'clock o.k?' down the receiver like some sort of double agent from the cold war era, at which point said friend hangs up and then phones the next friend in order to issue the same stage whispered instruction to them - and so on and so on - untill the whole of year bloody 6 arrive on line en masse in order to do whatever the hell it is Bin Weevils do. What do Bin Weevils do? It had better be good.
2. Computer Games in General (or more specifically, talking about them.)
Because actually it's not just Bin Weevils that can sometimes make me grumpy. It's not even just computer games in and of themselves. It's the fact that my sons want to talk to me about them all the time. They are constantly attempting to engage me in conversation about things like Bin Weevils and Club Penguin - things of which I know nothing, and of which I frankly couldn't give a flying toss either. The thing is they're sneaky about it too. Conversations will start off as one thing and then morph into a computer game conversation without me even realising. For example:
Eldest Son: Mum can I talk to you about something?
Me: (In the middle of the washing up) Sure, what's up?
Eldest Son: Well... have you ever been in a situation where you're friends with a certain group of people, but you think maybe you don't really trust them and you'd be better off with a different group of friends?
Me: (Taking off washing up gloves and sitting down next to him in order to give him my full attention) Is something worrying you love?
Eldest Son: Well what it is you see, is that I was really good friends with this one group, but then just because I wanted to play for a bit with a different group, they shot me.
Me: They shot you? Hang on a minute.... is this about that flipping computer game?
Eldest Son: (Grinning) Um, might be....
3. Being spoken to entirely in Doctor Who quotes
Middle son is obsessed with Doctor Who. (You may recall a previous post I wrote about a suspiciously phallic looking tardis that he drew and then stuck on the fridge.) He also possesses a memory akin to a small elephant. Entire scripts from countless episodes are lodged firmly in that freaky little head of his, only to come tumbling out of his mouth at every possible opportunity. Middle son no longer says hello to people. His standard greeting has become, 'Alonzeeeeeee!' I have no idea what that even means. It could be Dalek for 'bestiality is best' for all I know. He now also has a Doctor Who quote which he saves especially for whenever he is asked to do anything he doesn't want to do, or for when I attempt to cajole him into eating anything that far too closely resembles a plant for his liking. The conversation typically goes something like this:
Me: Please would you go upstairs and sort out your toybox so that we can give things you don't play with anymore to the charity shop?/Please will you just try your runner beans?
Middle son: Funny is like this! (manic grinning face.) Not funny is like this.. (exageratedly sad face.) Right now I'm not like this! (manic grinning face) I'm like this.. (exageratedly sad face) because YOU ARE TRAITORS! YES YOU ARE!
What are you supposed to say to that?
4. Chris Moyles.
5. Jeremy Clarkson.
Oooh I was so close to moving on to number six without comment then... I almost managed it. But not quite. Because I can't even think about his stupid, dad rock loving, global warming denying, crap joke about how murdering prostitutes is funny telling face, without wanting to spit. Better out than in though eh. Ahem... Moving swiftly on...
6. People trying to have a conversation with me while I'm on the loo
Through the bathroom door. It's bad enough that the children do it, but I've got a friend that does it aswell. For christs sake, is nothing sacred?
And lastly, rather than a seventh grump, I thought I might instead provide a fool-proof antidote to all of the things that can conspire to put us in a bad temper. May I suggest that you listen to 'The Heartbeat Song' by the Futureheads and jump around. It works for me.
So now to invite some others to share their miffs of the week. You're up girls... Enjoy.