Monday, 29 March 2010
I have been treading the same path for a very long time. There have been some twists and turns, but always the same path going in the same general direction. Suddenly though (for although I have been expecting it, it still comes as a surprise), up in the distance I spy a junction - a cross roads. I hesitate. I feel anticipation, dread and excitement in equal measure. I have no choice but to keep moving forwards. Soon there will be no choice but to set off in a wholly new direction.
The Youngest starts school in September. It will be the first time in almost 12 years that I have not had a little one at home.
My temporary paid post at Womens Aid has come to an end. The world of accountancy seems eerily quiet at the moment and Naked Boss has not contacted me regarding any book-keeping work for weeks. I think perhaps he has decided that he only wants female employees who are prepared to overlook the fact that he is a predatory pest. Well o.k. I can live with that.
I have made a new claim for Income Support and Housing Benefit for now, and am thinking hard about how I am going to support myself and my children when I no longer need to be at home to care for The Youngest, and the majority of my day becomes free. I have all the skills necessary to work in domestic abuse service provision but the funding for Womens Aid in my area is being slashed to ribbons, and there are more likely to be redundancies than new vacancies in the near future, (I will avoid ranting about what a disgrace this is - but suffice to say - vulnerable women and children will suffer as a result.) I have another option which is to spend a year at college gaining an official book-keeping qualification that will enable me to become self-employed and work from home, which would be ideal, but lets just say that the world of accountancy doesn't exactly set me on fire.
A new beginning is what this feels like. A new stage of my life about to be embarked upon. I am aware that this is a well worn path trodden to dust by many mothers, but for me personally it is unknown territory. What I want more than anything is financial independence. To be able to support myself and my family reasonably comfortably by doing something that I find meaningful is my ultimate goal, and I believe, not an unrealistic one.
Of course like many women (and men) who inhabit the blogosphere, the dream would be to earn money from writing, writing anything really - articles for magazines, a blog, even perhaps a book - but I have no idea where to even start along those lines. So for now the focus is on what is genuinely attainable for me, what I can do to get myself earning in the near future, and how I make the transition from 'stay at home most of the time mum' to 'working mum'.
As I approach nearer the crossroads, time seems to accelerate beyond my control. There are no signposts that I can see, simply roads that loom larger and larger and seem to stretch out forever, splintering off in the middle distance into a multitude of different directions. I still have no idea where I'm really going.