Monday 19 July 2010

Face Book - The Devils Work?

Being relatively new to the internet, (better late to the party than never I suppose) the whole virtual world is still fairly mind-blowing to me. I keep waiting for the novelty to wear off, but no. I suppose you might say that I was easily pleased but actually you'd be wrong. I'm excited because the internet is truly a thing of wonder. It's like having an entire and previously undiscovered universe of possibilities opened up to you. I love that all that information is right there at the click of a mouse, ready to be accessed by anyone with an internet connection. It is in a lot of ways the most significant equalizer of our time. Just look at blogging - anyone can publish - you don't need to be an established author or have an agent - you just need to be able to read and write. As an aside the internet is also a mild OCD sufferers dream. So many new things to check obsessively - E-mail accounts, Facebook, Statcounter... I could go on.

Now I have to say though that the jury is out for me on facebook. I can see all the positives and I enjoy them as much as the next person, but I'm just not sure. One morning for example when checking my e-mails, I found one informing me that a man named N had requested my facebook friendship. I racked my brains trying to think of all the N's I had ever known, none of whom matched the photo in front of me. Nope, I thought in the end. I have never seen this person before in my entire life. Just to make sure I clicked on his other profile photos and then - aha - recognition. He was someone with whom I had had a short and fairly insignificant relationship, years ago at university. It had all been rather forgettable as I now recall, except for one thing: he had lost his virginity to me. He'd neglected to tell me untill after the event, but honestly? I'd guessed.

Now, is it me or is it slightly odd that someone would just make contact like that out of the blue? I have on various trawls through facebook looking for friends, come across a couple of old lovers myself. And yes I suppose out of curiosity and fond memories and such like, it would be nice to know how they were getting on. But I certainly haven't contacted them. Why? Well because time has moved on. They could have a partner or spouse who might be less than thrilled about an old girlfriend getting in touch out of the blue, and also because the medium is so ripe for people to get the wrong idea. The problem with on-line communication of all sorts is that there is no way to judge someones tone of voice or body language, and so it's much harder to determine what their agenda or meaning might be. And so I have done what I believe to be the wisest thing and chosen to let bygones be bygones.

The next problem with facebook is requests for friendship from people who you don't even know. Why? Why would I wish for someone with whom I had never even had a basic conversation to be able to view my personal details and photographs? Why on earth would they be interested in the day to day inanities that I put up on my wall anyway? I just don't get it.

The last, and for me most pertinent problem, is the privacy settings. Now I have mine up so that only my friends can view my wall and my photographs, but I have only done this recently since I discovered that the default setting has it so that anyone is able to view anyone elses wall, whether they are friends with them or not. I wish to god I had never found that out. It has meant that I have been unable to resist a sneaky peak at my ex boyfriends wall even though it was me who originally broke our facebook connection thinking that it would be healthier and easier to move on if I didn't see his comings and goings on my home page every day! Anyway there he was looking extremely happy with his new partner. His new, much younger than me (although much closer to his age to be fair,) extremely attractive, just graduated with a maths degree, partner. Ouch. A dagger to the heart. Just when I thought I was on the mend.

Freedom of information, I have decided, can have its drawbacks after all. There are some things that you just don't want to know.

As for Facebook? It's the damn devils work I tell you.

20 comments:

  1. I must come and visit you more often as I see you commenting on other blogs I like too - so we must have something in common!Will follow, then won't miss your little wise nuggets.

    The worst thing I did was introduce my mother to facebook: we have had words over the last year, mainly from me telling her that just because she hasn't many FB friends, doesn't mean she has to comment on every status update I make. Bloody nightmare!

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  2. Sweetheart,ouch, it does hurt to see someone has moved on in such a manner, but for me at least you know for sure and are not one of those people forever wondering what if! I agree the internet is a wonderful and miraculous thing. No matter how tempting I say dont do it whatever the relationship its over and dont go back. I also think that your heart is well on the mend. You are a very lovely person and its always a joy to read you blog, good times or the not so good! Mwah hun xxxx

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  3. It's only the devil's work when it actually works! I must confess to loathing it and only use it to shamelessly pimp my blog. And I only have friends that I actually know or who are bloggers that I read regularly. I don't believe in all this "I have a thousand friends" on Facebook. Like you say, there's a very real danger in sharing information with so many people willy-nilly. We vet our friends in real life... surely it makes sense to do the same online?

    P.S. Can I be your FB friend? ;-)

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  4. I too wrote up a post about "ending my affair with Facebook" not to long ago. I ended not going through with it but I did block one particular person from High School that I didn't even truly know, it was just a person I would say Hi to (being friendly) well he became kind of stalkerish by sending request & messages multiple times a day or a week so it became pretty creepy.

    Facebook can be such a great site to connect with those that you want to connect with but when those people in your past start sneaking up that you don't want...I'm with you all the way it can defintely be as if Facebook was devil's work indeed ;) lol

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  5. You obviously do have a facebook account so you have found some good things about it. I know that so many people have facebook and use it throughout the day. We had facebook for a few weeks to see if it would be something good for us. My foster sister tells me she doesn't look at blogs but she really wanted me to do facebook. My hubby's niece was chatting with hubby one day on facebook for a few hours while she was at work. Apparently she could do enough work between all the typing on facebook. We eventually shut down the facebook account as we just did not see that it was anything we were interested in. I blog and my hubby blogs. If I decide some day that I don't want to blog any longer I will have so much else in my life that I like to do. I do not have any feelings or opinions about what other people like. Including if they like facebook or not. Don't get me started on Twitter. Uh uh.

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  6. It is indeed. But it is so hard not to look. I also found recently that I met up with a group of friends and I almost knew all their news because I'd read it on FB. 'I went to see Paul Weller' - yes I know. We've just been to France'. Yes I know. (obviously I didn't say it quite like that).

    I hate it when it suggests friends for you too. Or 'so and so only has 30 friends. Why not suggest some?.

    Try not to look. Although I'm the worst hypocrite in the world for that. And sorry to bang on about it but in the novel I am writing, there is a lot of cyber stalking.

    There are a lot of positives to the internet as you say. But I'm not sure FB is one of them.

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  7. I quite agree that Facebook is the devil's work. I've lost hours and hours of my life doing the *sneaky* look at other's people's photos etc. It allows the stalker within us to peak out. I'm just glad I'm not discovering FB as an emotional teenager. God it must be a nightmare for youngsters seeing their 'exs or objects of desire off galavanting with others and having fun.

    MD xx

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  8. I confess I have managed to resist the lure of Facebook so far... and am rather glad to have done so (although it does mean that most people look at me like some kind of freak when I tell them I don't have an account - mind you, not as bad as if I were then to tell them about Twitter & blogging. *ahem*)

    I suppose a few years ago, Friends Reunited was the thing du jour, and I half-heartedly got into that, but do find it highly amusing to hear of people having affairs with exes etc.

    I'm with you - some things are best left alone!

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  9. I was about to do a post entitled "Twitter - the work of the Devil." I guess to us newbies the internet can be a little daunting a times!

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  10. You certainly can Steve :-)

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  11. I couldn't agree more. I closed my Facebook account early this year, partly because I find them a cynical and sneaky company. It has been a strange business model. They essentially enticed large numbers of people who would otherwise not share a lot on the internet and assured them it was like a state of the art email that allowed you to privately share info with friends and family. Then slowly eroded away at the privacy settings because they know that while they don't charge you to use it, they can charge other companies to use the information they can gather. Poo what a poor thing to do to people.

    Also I totally don't get 'friending' someone unless they are in fact good friends that you want to share photos and inanities with.

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  12. I don't have a facebook account, think I'll probably keep it that way. Twitter and Blog are too much anyway! Besides, I would be stalking ex boyfriends and that would not be a good or healthy thing! x

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  13. Steady on guys... I'm not sure one sneaky peak quite equates to stalking!

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  14. Great post, Gappy. I have also been ruminating on a post about facebook. I keep my friend pool small and often get friend requests from people I barely know or who I did know only briefly. Then there is the other kind of etiquette--if I'm going to be seeing someone, I can't deny a friend request, so I have to accept. Ugh. But there's no problem in hiding people, in my book.

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  15. I do FB but I don't update it much. It always confuses me when people update every few mins with 'having a bagel for lunch' and that inane kind of info. I do find it great for keeping up with people that I don't see often but don't have any 'friends' from years ago on it! Jen

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  16. I'm only on FB as my blogging alias and I never post photos of my children there. I don't trust it at all, the privacy settings are a joke. I have had creepy private messages from strangers recently, how is that possible? FB sometimes seems like the online equivalent of living in the past, whereas Twitter is the future. Famous last words, it will probably be replaced tomorrow. It hadn't crossed my mind to stalk/search for anyone on FB though, bang goes my afternoon!

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  17. Maths degree, schmaths degree, that's all I'm going to say on the matter. Pah!

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  18. Re: "Steady on guys... I'm not sure one sneaky peak quite equates to stalking!"

    All I'm going to say is it's a slippery slope. (And one I've slid down several times sadly.)

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  19. I loathe FaceBook and all it's hideous games and pokes and security issues and........need I go one, I hate it. I deleted mine and even that takes 2 weeks as they 'keep' all your data 'just in case' you don't really mean to delete it.... hate it, the devils work indeed.

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  20. Ouch that must have been tough.. and also while the internet may be mind-blowing, it can also be quite dangerous, so be careful

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